DC United Reaction - Even the Weather Can't Bear to Watch

The Direct Kick "delay" metal riff is driving me insane, I've witnessed nothing in the match thus far that indicates we'll be able to rescue it (if we even get the unlikely chance), and I'm quite frankly disgusted by what I was seeing before the Man Upstairs decided that he'd seen enough of that putrid display as well and proceeded to open the heavens. With that in mind, here are my abbreviated thoughts.

* Martinez was getting repeatedly owned by Mullan in the opening stages, yet we failed to get him any help. Result = predicatable. I don't know what bothers me most, so let me enumerate the ways it gets under my skin. (1) Martinez is our most experienced and (to this point in the season) best defender, and he's being schooled by a Brian freakin' Mullan? (2) Martinez looks lost. His passes aren't connecting, he's having trouble defending, he's making terrible decisions with and without the ball--what the hell happened? Did SuperLiga kill his confidence? Is he just tired?

* Tommy Soehn, Master Motivator--killing the confidence of our young players one man at a time with his always-ready early hook. Less than a half-hour into the game and you yank Carroll the Youngest? There's something to be said for making adjustments, but if you're going 3-5-2 to "save" the game, just pull McTavish into the center with Simms, slide Carroll up to right midfield, and see how things go for a bit. That goes double when your "answer" off the bench is goddamn Rod Dyachenko . . .

* (Pardon the Khan moment) . . . RRRRRRROOOOOODDDDD!!!!! Oh, and a note to MLS referees: just issue Rod a yellow card as soon as he steps on the pitch. It'll just make everything so much easier. Speaking of which, the Houston announcer on MLSLive.tv said that Dyachenko leads DC United in fouls committed this season. Is that right? In the limited minutes he's been on the pitch? Really? Christ in a ball gag! Get that Russian circus clown out of Dodge on the next train.

* We're either terribly tired, completely incompetent, or Houston are world beaters. 12 shots (6 on frame) to our single shot on goal in the first half! At home! Tommy promised to kick a little ass after we bowed meekly out of SuperLiga. Doesn't much look like his words/feet had much effect, does it?

* On the lone positive note, Wells actually looked semi-competent in net tonight. He raced off his line to deny DeRo, made a couple of decent saves, and generally inspired a little more confidence than usual. That said, he still looked at sea when the corners swung in, and that defense is looking mighty disorganized.

So we're terrible at the moment. That's about the only conclusion that can be reached. We have no depth, no attacking impetus, confusion abounds in defense, and our fearless leader doesn't seem to be able to inspire the troops. Even the weather hates us.

We're going to be missing a starting defender (and organizer) for at least one, if not two, more game(s). Gallardo will probably miss three or four. We're going to suck over the next few weeks--get used to it.

But all is not lost. Far be it from me to take the optimists' position, but this is Major League Soccer. The regular season matters for crap-all when it comes to MLS Cup. We just need to get healthy and make a run so that we're firing on all cylinders going into the post-season. Then it's just four games to glory. The Champions' League may toss a potential spanner in the works, but it may also hone us to a fine, competitive, tournament edge (if it doesn't destroy the blade completely).

Ugh.

This optimism crap is for the birds.

MLS Dogpile - Win? Lose? Draw, Draw, Draw, Draw, Draw!

[Well, I was going to wait for the DC-Houston result, but since that game appears to carry a curse, having been twice delayed, I'm just going to go ahead with the Dogpile and include tomorrow's result in with next week's column--assuming the game doesn't get delayed again ;-).]

Alpha Dog

1. New England Revolution (WDLWW)
SuperLiga rolls on, and with it, the Revs non-participation in all things MLS. Sadly, none of the active participants in the league has really done anything to challenge their lofty table status or their position atop the Dogpile. It's more of the same next week as the Revs are idle in MLS until August 9th. Maybe by then, somebody will bother to make a run at them instead of filling our weeks with draws.

The Playoff Pack

2. DC United (DWWWW)
We all know the en fuego United that went into SuperLiga--what exactly is going to come out of the other end of that fiasco? Sans Gallardo and Peralta, can United even hope to keep their fantastic league form alive, or are we looking at life support? One things for certain--nobody in MLS has done anything to displace the Black-and-Red . . . yet.

3. Chicago Fire (DWDWD)
I present a recipe for frustration: take two of the most solid defensive sides in MLS, add a home team that struggles in their own park, now stir in a visiting side with lackluster road form, blend together and allow to settle, sprinkle with nearly 20,000 to witness a miserable four shots on goal. Four shots? Two from RSL, two from the Fire. There were chances, to be sure, it's just that neither side was feeling particularly lethal. And just how does Chicago end up with more corner kicks than shots--not just shots on goal, shots in total! Despite the extension of the unbeaten run, this was a real chance for the Fire to put some pressure on other top playoff contenders from the East, and they failed utterly. Even if MLS HQ gets involved in the McBride muddle, he'll be away at the Olympics for the foreseeable future. Next up for the Fire is a visit to KC's precious little ballpark.

4. (+1) Chivas USA (LWDWD)
The Goats were busy with SuperLiga, so they won't get back to league action until August 2nd. Happily for Preki, it looks like the rest of the West is conspiring to keep things close until Chivas get back into the swing of things in MLS. How sporting of them! And look at that, being idle can actually have benefits, as the MLS Draw Express boosts the inactive Goats up to a lofty 4th spot. Still, with no Guzan, you've got to wonder if points he might have saved for them are going to start becoming a factor.

5. (+1) Real Salt Lake (WLDWD)
Not a spectacular offensive night, but the RSL defense continues its stifling ways. This was a good result on the road, and results elsewhere mean that Kreis' men continue to sit atop the Western Conference. Next up is a visit from TFC, whose familiarity with the plastic stuff may negate some of RSL's patented "Crappy Plastic Patch Advantage". Despite having predicted a playoff spot for RSL this year, I'm still not entirely convinced they can pull it off. Keeping balls out of the net sure is a good way to start though.

6. (-2) Columbus Crew (DWDLD)
Worrying signs out in Crew-land, as they take just one point from a 3-3 thriller with KC at home. While the fightback to earn the draw was impressive, and Hejduk probably should have buried the winner, a home draw and one win in the last five matches sees the Crew's mid-season wobble starting to morph towards a full-blown skid. Up next is a trip to visit the struggling Rapids, which, given the Rapids' mercurial nature, will probably result in a 5-0 win for Clavijo's Clowns.

7. Houston Dynamo (WLDDD)
The mirror image of United--the Dynamo entered SuperLiga in worrying form, but after some good results in continental competition, they're looking a strong bet to continue that form back to league play. Given an extra day's rest after pounding an underpowered United this past weekend, the men in orange should be ready to try for a repeat performance.

8. (+2) Kansas City Wizards (DWDWD)
Up-down, up-down, but at least it's all wins and draws for the Comeback Kids from KC. Five games unbeaten will have to be placed on the scale next to what might have been. The scoring floodgates finally open for the Wiz, yielding a 2-0 lead on the road, but they can't make the result stand. Wolff's triumphant goal-scoring return is promising for Onalfo. Now, can they maintain momentum after the break when the Fire come calling?

Bum-sniffing Omega Mutts

9. (-1) Los Angeles Galaxy (DLLDD)
Oh, so very close to grabbing all three points at the end there with a flurry of late chances in the Swamp. Ruiz is off the mark at long last, but will he be around long enough to add to his tally? And will the addition of Dominguez at the back start to take the pressure off the Galaxy's offense? As it stands, they pretty much know that they'll need two or three, if not more, goals to get a result. Next weekend's visit to struggling Dallas should provide Ruud's boys with a chance to finally get back in the win column.

10. (-1) Toronto FC (WDLLD)
Tumble, tumble, go the Reds. A draw at home to the league's worst team isn't the way to stake your playoff claim. There were chances, to be sure, and Ibrahim looks like a menacing handful, but you've got to stick the ball in the net. Guevara, in particular, will be shouldering a healthy portion of the blame, though many will feel that the soccer gods were fair to deny him a PK that probably never should have been given. Goals will be just as hard to come by next week as the Reds visit suddenly-stingy RSL.

11. (+1) New York Red Bulls (WDLLD)
A better performance by the Bulls in front of a big crowd (for once). Rojas is already proving his worth, assisting on both goals, though he came up short when given the chance to bury the winner. I'll be expecting my finder's fee from MLS any day now ;-). But late defensive lapses let the victory slip away. Over the coming weeks, we'll be able to see if Osorio's roster machinations pay off when it comes to the defensive effort as well. Next week against a goal-shy Quakes side might be a decent chance to demonstrate some solidity at the back.

12. (-1) Colorado Rapids (DLWDD)
I had this sneaking suspicion that the Rapids would get their asses handed to them by Dallas, so I'm not sure if the road draw counts as a moral victory against their predictable inconsistency (pause . . . take a moment to let that logical logjam clear . . . okay), or if following up a draw against the worst side in the league with a draw against the second-worst side in the league is really as crappy a set of results as it reads on paper. The big news is that Casey continues to score. If the Rapids have an honest-to-goodness goal threat, than it's only the consistency that needs to be settled in order to make a playoff charge. Well, that and their erratic goalkeeping. Oh, and don't forget Clavijo. From second-to-last to second-to-first, the Rapids will need to prepare for the visit of Columbus next week.

13. FC Dallas (WLDDD)
The Hyndman Draw Parade continues as Coop & the Hoops take advantage of Walkabout Bouna Coundoul to grab a lead, but can't quite make their advantage stand up. If Rosenborg are successful in prying Cooper away from Dallas, I've got a feeling that it's going to be a real struggle for FCD to hold off the Quakes, because Cooper is at the heart of everything good that's happening for Dallas these days. Next up is the Cirque du LA as the Goldenballs Road Show visits Pizza Hut Park.

14. San Jose Earthquakes (LDLDD)
When your back is against the wall, there's no better keeper in MLS than Joe Cannon. And he saved the bacon one again for the Quakes, though he was generously assisted by Guevara (1) skying the best chance of the match and (2) hitting a fairly tame penalty. The new boys saw action for Yallop, but it'll take a few weeks to get them into the swing of things. A point at Fortress BMO will be fair reward in the meantime. Can they do two points better against a Red Bulls side trying to bed in some new talent of their own?

Delayed Dogpile, Tardy Table Talk

With the DC v. Houston MLS match taking place Tuesday night, I'm going to delay the MLS Dogpile and MLS Table Talk columns until after we know that result. This is not only to take advantage of getting some action from teams who haven't been participating in MLS of late, but because the All Star game represents a natural break (though I'm sure some would argue about how "natural" such a game truly is) in the league schedule. Sorry if the beginning of your week revolves around the dynamic duo of the Dogpile and Table Talk ;-).

DC United Reaction - The Night Was Filled With a Great Sucking

Okay, okay, so I'll admit it. Expecting the worst, I pre-medicated with some Cabernet Sauvignon. Good thing too, judging by the 3-1 result. Set piece defending and covering quick rushes through the middle don't seem to amongst the tools at our disposal. Ah well, it was a meaningless match save for the looks we got at some of the kids. So, let's hit some quick thoughts on those reserves . . .

* Kirk started poorly, demonstrating the lead-footed touch that has been an earmark of his United appearances, but he started to come into things more towards the end, even unleashing a decent shot off the post. A flicker of promise, but not nearly so much as Doe is demonstrating. He's showing that he can stick the ball in the net, even if he tends to be a bit too elaborate sometimes. But the key is that the ball is finding the net despite the over-reliance on trickery. Are you taking notes, Fred?

* Zaher looked good getting forward in limited time at left back. Sadly, his offensive output in those few minutes was just about equal to what Cordeiro put forth for the entire match--including a lame defensive effort on Houston's opener (not that he was alone in the lame defensive effort category). On the other flank, Thompson showed that he's not all about the work rate, as he looked quicker than he seemed in previous appearances and was hitting some nice balls from the right wing. Crossing? DC United? Oil and water? Not that I'm ready for any of these guys to get massive minutes in MLS play, but it's nice to know that they bring a little something to the party if we're desperate.

* Pat Carroll's long throw looks pretty useful, though I can't say I'm that enthused about him being pretty much our only central defensive cover till Peralta heals up. Still, he's got some tools that might make him a decent player, given seasoning. Unfortunately, the only way to pick up said seasoning is game experience, something that Soehn's been slightly lax in handing out. Kinda makes you wonder if maybe we should have been taking advantage of some of those 4-1 advantages . . .

Oh, yes. And lest I forget.

* Dyachenko. Out. Now.

So it's back to MLS play in a few days against this self-same Houston side. After dropping all three SuperLiga matches, and at home to boot, will United be able to rediscover their MLS momentum? Will Moreno and Martinez from the start make that much of a difference against what will probably be the exact same Houston side? Did any of the Dynamo boys run too much? One thing's for certain. Soehn will be working pretty heavily on defending set pieces in the intervening days.

Ugh.

Another Brick in the Wall?

Yet another midfielder is coming in on trial for United? Oh, I get it! The FO's master plan is to build a giant wall of bodies in midfield to protect the depth-starved defense and inadequate goalkeeper. Mayhap our fearless leaders have been watching too many movies lately? Ugh.