Of Mice and Mullets

Just a couple of quick notes to the casual "fan" from the perspective of this enlightened, welcoming, open-minded futbol supporter who appreciates your enthusiasm, if not your borderline sacrilege.

(1) MLS has 13 teams. Yes, an odd and smallish number, despite your group's "expert" declaring that it has 22 . . . no maybe 20 . . . oh yeah, 18 teams.

(2) To the fellow who insisted that he'd do better than Dominic Oduro did with a finishing chance, even offering to save Dallas a "couple of mil" in the process by playing for $500,000/year. Dominic Oduro is a developmental player who earns a salary of $17,700. And he has a college degree. Care to lace them up for under $20k?

(3) Emiligol is a feature player in our attack and he's put the ball in the net regularly for United this season, but he is by no means our "star" player. For that honor I'd refer you Messers Gomez and Moreno.

(4) Now, I can understand yelling "SHOOOOT!" every time a player comes within 10 yards of the box. You want goals and that's fine. I can also understand your seeming need to converse in what I can only imagine is the native language of Bud Light commercials. That's fine as well. Remember that I'm really quite open minded and accepting of your idiosyncrasies. I'd even give you the green light to mock the physical appearance of the opposition. That's part and parcel of the fan experience.

But - and this is key so pay attention - never, ever mock the mullet in El Diablo's house! Did you think the soccer gods would ignore your sacrilege as you heaped your scorn upon Juan Carlos Toja - he of the spectacular vintage coif? As the shouts of "MULLLLLET!" rained down, I could only cover my head and prepare for thunderbolt that must surely come down to smite us.

And smite us it did as young Toja punished the unbelievers with two goals to complete the Dallas comeback. As his shaggy head rose to head home the equalizer, the Spirits of Mullets Past must surely have been watching from the shadows of RFK, smiling and shaking out their lustrous locks. And on the occasion of Toja's leaving the field to be substituted, from a few rows behind me comes a somewhat shocked voice exclaiming, "Wow, Mullet really killed us today, didn't he?"

Why yes - yes he did. Do not taunt the mullet or it will surely rise up to punish you!