A Tortured, Gruesome Metaphor

Via the Goffblog, we present Ben Olsen's tortured, gruesome metaphor for how he is going to have an impact on United's season . . .

"The procedure involves taking blood and spinning the blood so the good healing blood is seperated from the other parts of the blood. Then that blood is going to be injected through some unknown way into my bone to stimulate bone and cartilage healing."

What a poet! But surely that's taking the entire "heart, soul, and goddamn circulatory system" of the team a skosh too far, isn't it, Ben? Oh, wait . . . that's what they're doing to your ankles?

Creepy.

Nevertheless, get well soon, oh mighty Bearded One. I look forward to your being "injected through some unknown way" into the starting eleven upon your triumphant return.