The Random Wheel Goes Round

* West freakin' Ham? Oh, for crying out loud MLS--is this the best you can do for an All-Star opponent? Sure, the Hammers have an American on the roster, but assuming the U-23's can finish the job in qualifying, Spector will be in China, not Canada.

* And speaking of our Canuck compatriots in the Frozen White North, beware of TFC. According to Auntie Beeb, those red jerseys are to be feared. FEARED! Personally, I think the packed, noisy, and streamer-infested crowd will help more than the red jerseys, but every little bit helps, right?

* Back to that All-Star fiasco. What are the chances that MLS has hopped aboard the Obamamania Express train to Hopetown and booked the Hammers in a desperate bid to get their high-profile fan into that packed house, but then screwed the pooch in typical MLS pooch-screwing fashion by dumping the game up in Canada? Imagine the hilarity (or, more appropriately, the Hannity) if Obama shows up in CANADA watching SOCCER during the campaign!

* Remember the days when US Soccer was all about hustle, fitness, out-working the opposition, and hard-tackling d-mids? Okay, now reconcile that image with the U-23 performance last night. Now admitted, I did only catch the second half, but since when is Dax McCarty a midfield hard man? Sure, we're the technical boys now, and we can string some pretty passing together, but Panama just looked more dangerous, more athletic, and were not that far away from getting a result in that game. In more positive news, Mr. Adu looked pretty damn useful out there despite the dainty midfield behind him.

* Hey, guess what? When I turned on FSC last night to catch some of that aforementioned second half, I managed to mute it within 2 seconds, which means the only Christian Miles I had to deal with was seeing his name flashed on the screen as the "announcer"--and I do use that term loosely. How about Grand Poobah of Mispronunciation, Crown Prince of Pathetic Punditry, Le Marquis de Misidentification, Sultan of Stupidity, Emperor of Egregious Errors, Baron of Bad British-isms, or Lord High Chancellor of Incompetence? Seriously, man, I'm ready to print out your business cards--give me a ring.


  1. The Viscount of Vapidity

  2. The Grand Duke Dumbass
    The Vizier of Verbal Diarrhea

    Let's keep it going people!

  3. The Marquis of Malapropisms.

  4. Chief Can't-Call-A-Game
    Shiekh Shouldn't-Have-A-Mic
    Generalissimo of Game-calling Grotesqueries
    The President of Poor Punditry

  5. Sir Susie Talks-Too-Much?

  6. Ah, well played, my fine-feathered friends! Perhaps we'll have MiLeS Cup 2008 next week where do some sidebar voting on the best nickname to use for the Dark Lord moving forward into the season proper.