MLS Table Talk - Meaty Chunks of Supposition

Well, this is probably about three weeks too early to have a serious go at some Table Talkin', but I just thought I'd point out some items of interest in the MLS table thus far.

(1) Your points-per-game leaders are . . . (duh-duh-duh-DUNNNN!), the freakin' Hard Hats? Wow, Sigi for the win, eh? And languishing at the bottom in a tie for futility are United and the Dynamo. Crap, when did Spock sprout an evil goatee?

(2) Hmmm, so it appears that the key to offensive success is to throw a forward who has experienced moderate MLS success (Cooper, Alejandro Moreno) up top and then toss a bunch of midfielders at the problem. Seems to have panned out pretty well for the 2 goals per game Crew and FCD (there--are you happy, tps--if that is your real name? ;-).

(3) When discussing offensive futility, the Quakes 2.0 are (and I'm sure you're absolutely floored by this) the only sub goal-per-game outfit in the league, though if last weekend is any indication, they may be in the process of righting that particular wrong. Somewhat more intriguing is the Red Bulls, who sport arguably the strongest forward line in the league, yet also find themselves trailing the field at one goal per game.

(4) I'm sure nobody is surprised at the number of goals being shipped by LA (2.25 per game) and TFC (2.00). After all, they were always thereabouts last year amongst those who willingly bent over and thanked you for your patronage. But take a look at the two strongest defenses of the year gone by--Houston and Chivas are both shipping at an alarming (2.00 per game) clip. Add to that the goal-differential-blessed DC United of 2007 surrendering 2.25 per game and trailing the pack at -4, and it's time to start looking for maps of Bizarro World. Flipping the tables, it's Chicago that are setting the defensive pace this year, conceding a paltry goal every two games and riding a +4 goal difference. Who'da thunk it after all of the off-season Conde turmoil, C.J. Brown's injury, Armas' retirement, and the loss of their starting goalkeeper to lower-level European obscurity?

Well, that's about all the half-assed observations I've got time for this week. As I said in the open, it's admittedly very early and the data dust hasn't quite settled down to manageable levels, but we'll slog our way through the next couple of weeks pretending to pull meaningful, meaty chunks of supposition from the dross.


  1. Woo hoo, got me a Fullback Files shoutout! (I'm slang-challenged -- did I use that correctly?)

  2. Beats me. Back in my day, a "slang" was a sort of two-edged, curved blade that we used to fell the wheat round about harvest time. Oh yeah, and a "shoutout" was a way to resolve problems between rival villages, often involving the theft of a prized cow or a sacred goat.

    And I reckon that I should mention the distinction between the aforementioned "shoutout" and the traditional "shoutoff" that local youths engaged in during the Winter solstice festivals, often resulting in weeks worth of croaky voices for those noisy lads. But that's what that potent mix of aged cider and impetuous youth will get ya.