(Warning--new format ahead for TvT! Do not stop, do not feed the wildlife, and please--for the love of all that you may or may not hold sacred--don't stare directly into the cesspool of soccer-hatred that is ESPN lest the Beckham-Cam rob you of your life, your humanity, and your everlasting soul! Oh, and don't listen to Tommy Smyth either--same effect, possibly worse. You've been warned!)
Tickle
Thank you, Clavi-holes! The 10-man Rapids find a late winner to shock the Monkey . . . sorry, the Goats, in the Toolbox, thereby handing DC United their second consecutive Supporters' Shield. What d'ya know! Clavijo finally won something in MLS . . . for somebody else. Winners . . . winners . . . how 'bout Michael Bradley getting the winner against the Swiss after Szetela dumped a great cross into the box? Jumpin' Jesus on a pogo stick--the US is absolutely stocked full of young, talented, athletic central midfielders. Which is great and all, but I've got one question--where are all the forwards? Hello? Hello, anybody there? Speaking of deserted--Chelsea are singing the blues and crumbling like an over-priced jalopy. Terry and Cole are the latest to join the Stamford Bridge M.A.S.H. unit while Drogba is looking to get the hell out--and apparently has been for some time. Tee Hee! If you thought watching the real thing unfold was fun, imagine the mismanagement horrors you could wreak upon the Blues in Football Manager 2008 (or Worldwide Soccer Manager, or whatever the good folks at SI are calling your local variant). Go get the demo and be prepared to part with your $30 at Amazon.com! Hmm, wonder if I should look into affiliate links?
Tackle
Jaime went away to serve Bolivia whilst MLS blissfully played through the international fixture date. And for what? To play an hour in a 5-0 thrashing at the hands of Uruguay and ride the pine in a nil-nil home to Colombia. Fortunately, Goff reports that Bolivia won't call him up If we make it to the MLS Cup Final, which happens to conflict with the next round of South American qualifiers. Thanks for the quality scheduling, MLS! Speaking of thanks being owed, how about Yallop and company sending Cheatin' Bob some spare Spice Girls CD's for pulling Edu out of the TFC midfield to serve with the Nats? The Edu-less TFC succumbed to the frightening might of the rampant Beckspiracy as it continued to trash downtown Tokyo--or something to that effect. Oh yeah, while we're on the subject of downtown--2010 for a stadium in the District? Really? Let's just say I'm not holding my breath. No sense getting blue, passing out, and freaking out the family, is there?
So, what's the verdict? Should we stay with this more cohesive, story-like paragraph format, or go back to the bullets for the TvT column? Remember, change is not deadly . . . in most circumstances (Blanco-Cam anybody?)
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