TvT Weekend Special - Who Was That Masked Idiot?

Tickle v Tackle is normally a mid-week column, but . . .

Fullback's Mega-Tackle of the Week:
Who the hell was that hyperkinetic fool GolTV had doing the play-by-play for Barcelona-Levante? I just flicked on the tube while folding some laundry and got steamrollered by this idiot blathering on about 'Dinho (Ronaldinho, I presume) and how he'd work at GolTV for free because it's so freakin' FANTASTIC! Look at this pass! Look at that flick! Holy Jebus, GolTV is manna from heaven! La Liga is the bomb! Let's check your sweet emails! How many goals are Barca gonna bang in on GolTV? Check it out--I'm on GolTV! Did you hear me mention how great it is to watch Spanish futbol on Gol-freakin'-TV? I'm out of my goddamn mind (for GolTV)!

Now, I'm not one to criticize a bit of well-placed enthusiasm, and the man/woman/tentacled being upstairs knows that I love me some hyperbolic Hudson, but holy crap, that guy made super-cheerleader Rob Stone look like a prim Victorian matron by comparison! He was spread so wide for GolTV that it hurt to even listen to it. In fact, after about the first five minutes, I stopped doing so altogether.

GolTV--still bumping their bruised noggins on the already low bar held up by Phil Schoen and Lindsey Dean.

Update: Apparently, the cheerleader in question is Pablo Alsina, as mentioned here by FBF favorites Hudsonia, who describe him as "fiery". Not the word I would have gone with--perhaps the Hudson-esque "permanently and dangerously aroused for GolTV" would suit better--but as he's identified as a friend of their blog, perhaps he's just trying to emulate the sparkling form of Ray. An admirable goal, though his efforts thus far are ear-bleedingly annoying at best.


  1. Oh come on!! You and Shatz are bustin' all my potential threads today!!!

    First I wanna talk about Quaranta:

    And this happens:

    Now, I wanna talk about what an idiot that GolCheerleader was, and you get it first!!!

    Dang it! What do I have to do to get some breaking news around here?! Some of us have to go to school and can't blog until later, you know!

    LOL. anyway, yes, that was a ridiculously commentated match, but a fabulously played one.

  2. You're telling me this cat can give "Marvelous" Max Bretos a run for his money? I can only hope to see it, a drunken frat boy calling a game.

    A fine, fine post by the way.

  3. A run for Bretos' money? Hell, this guy made Bretos almost seem professional. Almost.

  4. It's hard for me to be objective because I watch way too much GolTV and I find it hard to criticize any of the guys there. GolTV has a kind of family feel to it, and if you watch for long enough you start to feel like a friend of the family. I guess FSC is similar to a lesser extent, whereas ESPN is just a multinational corporation and feels like it.

    So Pablo is proud of his family. There are worse sins. Such as the network guys plugging dreadful reality shows in the middle of NFL/MLB/etc games, pretending they're all huge fans of Survivor Idol Dancing Factor.

    If Pablo's crime is to let the viewers know that Phil and Ray are up next to do the Real Madrid game, then aren't we *all* guilty? (Note: the previous sentence is not guaranteed to make any sense)

  5. I suppose his saving grace is that he's genuinely excited by the game and by his job, the later being a problem I'm sure the majority of us would kill to have, and the former being a condition that never afflicted poseurs like The Mouse's Dave O'Brien (score another for the faceless multinational!)

    Hell, I'd love to watch soccer and talk about it all day and get paid to boot, so I'm with Pablo there. And I'm under no illusions. I'd be suitably horrifying to listen to as well.

    . . . um, wait. NO, NO, don't go! Nothing horrifying here. Just little old me with my blog ranting on and on in a terribly fascinating manner for your reading pleasure.

    Please . . . don't go.

    Uh, Blogger rules! Up with Google! Check out my lonely sponsor in the sidebar.