Meet the New Boss | a DC United Match Reaction

Finish the lyric yourself while you weep in your beer.

Let's get this straight. Yes, Kevin Stott called a one-sided game. Yes, we were playing on a tiny indoor field made slick with mist. But we would have lost this game anyway. Culprit numero uno? I think you know where that particular finger's going to be pointed.

Talking Points?

* Simply Not Ready. Okay, so we played the close of pre-season with Pena manning the rudder in defense. Veteran though he may be, Carey Talley (a) is no Pena and (b) was only signed this week. But what about the disjointed attack? What about the numerous passes behind players or directly out of bounds? The ill-discipline shown on a number of tackles on a wet field? The failure to react to second balls? The inability to adjust to KC's formation leading to their domination of midfield while such distinctions still mattered? Those all stunk of...

* Soehn, Partido Dos. Early subs? Well, one was forced, but...check. Inability to adjust tactically? Check. Mysterious choices in the starting lineup? Check. Making subs that have no effect on the game? Check. Angry, bemused, and impotent stance on the sidelines? Check. All he's missing is the pimp outfit.

* Just Shoot the Damn Ball! Two Wiz goals came from rebounds. The ball was slick, the field pinball-quick. But did we have pops on goal? Nope. Pontius will have to go down as the most guilty party when it came to cutting the ball back and not firing away. And hey, when Quaranta finally blasted away (after the 90 had expired), he forced their keeper to spill the ball in the six.

* Chicken Wings? Now I may not be a professional futbol coaching maestro with all the fancy tactical training courses and whatnot, but the diamond in midfield tends to get its width from overlapping fullbacks and mobile forwards. So why were we playing with two wingers, one of them all of 17 years old (first pro experience on the road in crappy conditions?) in front of a d-mid who doesn't do much defensive cleaning up? Oy-vey! Most dangerous wide threat? Julius James. Double oy-vey!

More quick hits? It's like picking a damn scab...

* Morsink is good in possession (even if he holds the ball too damn long around his own box), but doesn't clean up messes like you need a dedicated d-mid behind three attack-minded mids to do.

* Simms is not a right back. We've had ample evidence. And he's playing on a slick field with a tweaked hamstring. Small wonder the Bum Hammy Hammer made its first appearance so early in the season. Plus ca change, plus ce la meme chose, as they say...

* Kasper/Payne get no pass here either. The big signings Castillo and Allsopp? Invisible.

* We all remember Troy in the rain in Mexico, right?

* 4-2-3-1. Perkins; Wallace, Pena, Jakovic, James; Barklage (sans Simms), Morsink; Castillo, Moreno, Quaranta; Pontius. Do it. Now.

There's a danger here. It's very easy to look at this loss, 4-0 to an unfancied KC team, as a signpost warning of the death march that lies ahead. And I'll admit to being worried (more than a little). But this was a slapdash back line on a fast, tiny field and a team that was probably more than a little overconfident given the way they closed out the pre-season. With Pena back in the fold and a slower, more spread field, I like our chances better. That said, the team did not look ready for this game, and that has me worried about the new boss.

He sure feels a lot like the old boss.

I'll follow up with a more detached autopsy either tomorrow night or Monday. Right now, there's probably some vino left over from dinner haunting the fridge with my name writ large all over it.

Ugh.

My liver weeps for what this year may do to it.