Call the Headsman | a DC United Match Reaction

So, does anybody think that Kevin Payne can smell the coffee yet? It's been about a month to a month and a half (at the very least) since the rest of North America conceded that United were never going to make the playoffs. Which is not to say that the team is completely hopeless. Indeed, in most phases of the game, United matched a very good RSL side.

The big problem? In the phases that matter most in the game of soccer—scoring goals and keeping them out—DC United flat out sucks. Ergo, the wrong side of a 3-0.

Tell me, how much is it again that we pay Perkins? And for that matter...remember what we gave up in order to pay him as much as we do? Can we agree that Hamid should start the rest of the season? Sure he'll make mistakes born of youth, but he'll also make saves and benefit from the experience, and that's more than you can say for Perkins at the moment. I still think Perkins might crawl out the other end of this nightmare and still be a reasonable MLS keeper. But that's all he is, and anybody who thinks any probably in the DC United front office (buh-dum-dum, I'll be here all week folks!).

Of course, he had a back line arrayed ahead of him that should probably be plying its trade a division lower (James excepted...perhaps), so that didn't help matters. Another one to lay at the feet of both FO and training staff (who may have lost another couple of soldiers today). Anybody seen that infamous letter from the ownership promising accountability?

Anybody? Anybody? Beuler?

You know what? I was going to add a whole riff here about some of the promising attacking play but pathetic lack of speed and quality and runs that might benefit from said play, but it all seems so pointless. It's the same riff, week in and week out. We're toothless. Hernandez and Boskovic both look like they can contribute, given time, but we have nothing up top to take advantage of their contributions, and, more importantly, we have no time left for those contributions to matter, save perhaps in the Open Cup (Hello Egg Deployment Team, there's your rather small and ragged basket. Have at it!).

Watching Simms limp off and Tino tweak his ankle in the dying minutes, watching Talley labor to haul his ancient ass around the pitch and then bitch at the refs like it's their fault he's slow and mis-times tackles, wondering that a seventeen year old is the thing most worth watching on this miserable trainwreck, pitying Jaime that he's past it and that he has to bow out like this after such a tremendous's all more comedy than tragedy now, and we're getting our just desserts for mocking the misery of the Crimson Cows last year. Painful as it may seem, we should emulate their model this off-season, if not earlier...

Let some big heads roll. Excise the dead wood as deep as the blade will cut and burn the lot of it. Accountability time is past due and so is the headsman.

Anybody think he'll show?

Me neither.



  1. Thanks. I'm glad you pulled rant-duty this week. I'm tired.

    I'll take Ningland next Saturday.

  2. It could be worse. We could have another 20 games instead of just 12 more.

    But I don't understand why you don't recognize that the turn around is just about here. Our left back is healthy again. According to Payne, he's the best left back in the league, so we'll be ok now. Plus with all our supporting cast of world class players, we'll tackle that injury bug and resume our rightful place in talking about our trophies of years past.

  3. I thought James has been good in most games for us this year, at times our best and most competent defender. And chop my head off if you want to but I didn't think Burch had a bad game at all last night, in fact he was probably our best defender from a purely defensive standpoint. He is by no means one of the best LB's in the league, but it did rather well last night in his 1st start of the season. But other than that I think you've nailed it again FB.

  4. @BDR
    Frankly, I'm surprised I can still have an emotional response to this farce.

    Wish Payne would share some of what he's smoking; it might ease the pain (no pun intended) to watch his Bizarro World United.

    Considering how long he's been out, I was tempted to give Burch a shout-out as being "not half-terrible," though that does imply the inherent level of terrible I've always saddled him with and it's hard to give props to a defender on the wrong end of three goals. Wonder if he's been watching games during his layoff and figured out a thing or two about positioning and marking? That should serve him well in the USL/NASL/Div II whatever if FO heads roll and the new men in charge are astute judges of talent.

  5. Nope, no headsman.

    Let me say that I honestly like Chang. He seems like a good person, is passionate about the sport, and hasn't cut and run even though all of his plans for the team have gone awry.

    Still, can anyone think of a single good thing that has happened to the team since he (and McFarlane) bought the team?

    It seems that even the absentee landlord of the previous seasons was able to coerce the people in charge to make a few correct decisions.